Daveosaurus (southerndave) wrote,
Daveosaurus
southerndave

Anyone but Colin Craig would realise that this is satire

Somewhere, deep inside the bowels of the CBS building...

"All right, let's call this meeting to order. So, we've got a smallish budget and can actually afford a scriptwriter for once. Does anybody have any bright ideas?"

"Well, we could always do a talent..."

"Next!"

"How about setting up a camera in somebody's tinny house..."

"Next!"

"Well, it's like a quiz show, only the difference is..."

"Next!"

"Okay, okay, I get it. You don't like anything new that's been created in the last thirty years or so. But how about giving the youngsters at least a chance to suggest what's on their minds? You don't want to go down in history as the old grouch who stomped on the 21st century's first Seinfeld, do you?"

"mumble, gripe, all right, wake me when it's over..."

"Fine. Now, does anyone have anything really interesting they've thought of lately?"

"Well, I was thinking, it's like there's this book I read, right? I reckon the idea could make a really good show if it's done right..."

* * *


"... so, you see, you've got the men watching for the action, and the women watching for the romance, you've got twice the audience."

"Well... that's an interesting idea. Let's throw it open to the floor for opinions. We'll start with you. You're awfully quiet, after shooting everyone else's ideas down."

"Well, you did ask me to let the kids have their say. But I'm going to surprise you on this one. I reckon there's the germ of a good idea in all that. This would be our chance to revitalise an old show from, well, let's just say before your time."

"Yes, I was thinking of old show as well, before my time I know, but did you hear? They've started selling videotapes of old shows now. You can even get them on DVDs. They're these things that look like your old-fashioned records, but they have two or three hours of TV one them..."

"Thank you for your patronisation, that's most appreciated. Now, back to your idea. The last attempt at remaking this show fizzled out without getting much done, but its biggest failing was the lack of anything snappy about its title or main characters. The title is easily fixed: six million doesn't really go that far any more, so you'd need to inflation adjust it, plus a bit more so that it's still got that ring to it. Say, "The Billion Dollar..."

"...so I was going to stick with the tried and true, and call it 'Beauty and the Beast'."

"... and with enough double-talk science and that genetic engineering theme, you can easily what the hell did you just call it?

" 'Beauty and the Beast'. You know, like the old show? The one with the guy from that bikie soap opera in it."

" ... "

"Sorry, did I say something wrong? ... Why are you beating your head on the table like that?"

* * *


"All right, I did have a look at some more of those really old, ancient, like, the 1970s, TV shows you were telling me about and I think I know what that 'certain something' is that my show still needs. You know, like the one about that guy who acted all nice but he was some sort of super-soldier under all that. You know the one. Anyway, I was wondering if Lou Ferrigno is still available. ... All right, what's wrong this time? Cut it out! You know the table can't stand much more of that!"
Tags: tv: the whiny jafa show
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