Daveosaurus (southerndave) wrote,

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On the first day of Road Safety Week...

To the driver of the white sedan car, vehicle registration TA7347, driving eastward on Tweed Street at approximately 7:15 pm, Monday 19th May, 2014:

(1) You are not Possum Bourne.

(2) The reason I know that is not because you are still alive at that point in time. I have no idea of knowing whether you are still alive, because the way you drive indicates that your life expectancy is similar to that of a blind pukeko.

(3) The reason I know that is that Possum Bourne would have had more sense than to have driven through road works, on a busy suburban arterial route, in the dark of night, at approximately 80 km/h.

(4) When the speed limit is 50.

(5) Except when there's road works, at which point the speed limit is 30.

(6) Do you realise that getting caught at 50 km/h over the speed limit used to be instant loss of licence? And maybe still is?

(7) More about your licence later.

(8) And it's generally not the brightest idea to suddenly change lanes, without slowing down, at a point where there is gravel all over the road.

(9) Some other drongo did something like that out near Kelso a couple of weeks back.

(10) No, I didn't see it happen. What I did see, and hear, were the fire sirens, the local fire brigade racing to the scene, and a very stupid looking car dumped in the watertable with its wheels up in the air and its headlights pointing back the way it came.

(11) I have a large number of family and friends who use the streets of this city, travelling in and on everything from high-tech yuppie-cars, to little daffodil-yellow granny-cars, to motorcycles, to scooters, to bicycles.

(12) I couldn't give a flying frog if your car flipped over and ended up rolling through the road works on its roof.

(13) I would give somewhat more than a flying frog if your car flipped over and ended up rolling into any of my family and friends.

(14) In any such event, you had better hope the police catch up with you first.

(15) And please:

(16) Take your driver's licence;

(17) Return it to the weetbix packet that you found it in;

(18) Take the weetbix packet back to the shop and ask for your money back.

(19) When they ask why, apologise to them and say it's because you are JUST TOO FUCKING STUPID TO BE ALLOWED ON THE ROAD AT ALL.

(20) Thank you.
Tags: arse end of the world, idiots

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