|It's all right for him, he won't have to go back to work for another three years
||[Sep. 16th, 2005|08:55 pm]
So I've spent the last week wondering (1) how on earth can I summarize New Zealand politics so that an intelligent person can make sense of what I think of this year's election, without writing something so long and boring that no intelligent person would want to read it in the first place; and (2) whether it's even worth bothering to try.
So it was a pleasant surprise to receive a .pdf (not to be confused with a .dpf who is one of the more intelligent political bloggers around the place) of the 2005 Election Night Drinking Game via email at work today. One screen grab, an email to my home address and some quick work with Photo Editor later I've managed to turn it into a (slightly wonky) .jpg. (Along with half the rest of the country it seems).
A quick glossary of terms:
Tariana Turia: The most high-profile member of the Maori Party. Despite cosmetic appearances she is not known to be allied to the Slitheen.
Jeanette Fitzsimmons: Co-leader of the Green Party. Not to be confused with Jeanetteic Engineering, which is something she doesn't like.
Don Brash: Leader of the National Party, who Did Not Have Fiscal Relations With That Cult.
Helen Clark: Prime Minister of New Zealand. Leader of the Labour Party. Would like to be Havelock Vetinari when she grows up.
John Campbell: Commentator best known for having seen the future of rock and roll and seen it to be small, white and demented. Also works for TV3.
Mark Sainsbury: Commentator in possession of the most recognizable moustache in the TV1 newsroom.
Russell Brown: Commentator and raconteur best known for writing the liner notes in the Headless Chickens' greatest hits CD. Also has a blog.
The Worm: A terrestrial, cylindrical, segmented annelid that gives Peter Dunne his most notable electoral support.
160 km/h: 100 mph. One of the estimates given of the speed at which a Ministerial convoy was travelling through Mid Canterbury.
Voter apathy: Who cares?
"Dancing With The Stars". One of those misbegotten talentless quest shows I can't be bothered with. Find your own link to something relevant.
Corngate: A debate as to whether or not Jeanetteically Engineered corn was grown in New Zealand.
Foreshore and Seabed: Areas of the New Zealand coast (said coast being much longer than the area of these islands would imply thanks to Slartibartfast having worked overtime when designing Marlborough, Fiordland and the Bay of Islands) which may or may not have been held under native title, a question which became moot when the coastline was nationalised. This action spurred the formation of the Maori Party which opposed this action.
Liar: One who claims to have no knowledge of a pamphlet containing false claims (cf. Exodus, ch. 20, v. 16) about a rival political party, orchestrated by a cult but who later admits to having met them up to four times and to having been advised in advance of the pamphlet drop.
Winston: Winston "Luigi" Peters, expert at filling wine boxes (after he has emptied them, presumably), and the politician most likely to enter into a civil union with his own mirror.
Orange Guy: the mascot of the Electoral Commission. Wants to be an orange clone when he grows up. Or sobers up. Or something like that.